I just watched The Last Samurai

I needed to write this as the background music is still playing,
and my mind is still whirring.

I’m sure many of my readers remember my How I Feel journal from just 3 months ago.

Here I go again.

To give you folks an insight into my life:
I’m incredibly moved by films.
When I watch a movie, or read a book, it is not just entertainment for me.
It’s nearly real…

Watching this movie I thought more and more about the honor within myself.
I have a problem with legalistic Christians because of this.
I have an all inclusive, pervading sense of honor within me.
I have morals that surpass that of almost anyone I know, and nothing
in this world or the next could ever cause me to waver my stance.

Watching this movie I saw this in the Samurai.

A quote in the movie by Tom Cruise was:
“From the moment they wake, they devote themselves to the perfection of whatever they pursue. I have never seen such discipline.”

I think about discipline, and dedication.
This is often what drives me toward the love of the military.

I see my flaby body and see the lact of discipline and dedication.
Nearly every time I watch a movie such as this, and am reminded of my
paunch encircling my mid section, I am troubled.

I have often dreamt about leaving society and burying myself deep in
Yellow Stone National Park, or a forrest somewhere.
A place uninhabited by any of my own species, and devoid
of the creature comforts of society.

We, people, are weak.
I am here, at a Hot Air Balloon race this whole week, and people
are complaining about the heat.

I prefer to wear no shoes, and people scoff at how much it hurts their feet.


Mind you. I am not strong. I am not tough.

Moreover, I am not warrior.

Ladies and Gentlement.

Tom Cruise, the Last Samurai, found his destiny, his calling, his duty, his life.

However, to quote me, “There is no fade to black in real life.

At the end of the movie, you see Tom Cruise’s character approaching the woman
of his dreams to, supposedly, live out his life in the peace he found.

The peace which so many are looking for, and so few find.

I will not fade to black when I marry Jenni.
It will be a constant struggle.
I will not “fulfill my destiny” and then fade to black.

I must live the rest of my life.
I cannot watch the credits roll by, and the emotions flood in.

The only fade to black, is death.

Some days I’ve longed for death.
Others I’ve feared it beyond all else.

I’ve looked upon people, and wished for the destruction of all.
Other times, I’ve seen the beauty of life.
A child at play, a work of art, of the unaltered beauty and power of this planet.

“Life in every breath.” said Katsumoto

Life in every breath.



The heat has always reminded me of life.
Fire. Heat. Blood pumping.

Cold has always reminded me of death.

Maybe that is one reason I enjoy the heat so much.

Here I am.
Spilling my life to you folks.
Some responses will be good.
Many of the comments I read from my How I Feel journal previously
gave me great inspiration, while others I deleted because of the sheer
stupidity and inmaturity.

LOL. I was going back through the comments of said journal, and came across this little gem:
Ejynx1“Did you know that 2000 years ago the greatest warriors in the world at the time, the samurais were all poets, flower pickers, painters, etc.”

Interesting, huh?

I am realizing I need not be overly concerned about my future.
But I do know that I must make of it what I wish.

I loved the simplicity of the Japanese lifestyle as it was portrayed in the movie.

No chairs, few tables, and almost NO decorations.

I adore this simplicity.

I have always said, my ideal office, or room, would be a very large room with wall to wall, floor to ceiling, windows
filled with nothing more than a large, glass and metal desk, dead center of the room.

I see this simplistic, yet effective, architecture in the Japanese.

Also, their interior gardens.
A sanctum.
A connection to life outside our own.

To plant something.
To care for it, and raise it, shows you an extension of life.
Something alive that you helped create and coax to live.

This is a similar experience to having your first child, just not quite as powerful.

Ladies and Gentlement, I’m signing off.

I’m not sure what to think, but I’m going to keep thinking.

p.s. As I re-read this journal I realized how random it is. I promise I will go back, re-read this again, and elucidate more on each topic I touched on. That will be the best way for me to flesh out my thoughts, instead of trying to do it in one huge journal.

Thank you for the comments I’m sure you’ll leave.

For those of you that have nothing better to say than, “Cool.”
Save it for the 1,000,000th journal highlighting Halo 3 spoilers…